A cure for colic

You would think that living in Idaho for a considerable period of time would prepare me for any hillbilly encounters that I might have.....but I wasn't ready for this one. Today, I dashed into our local pet store to get a new nametag for our dog's collar since his went missing. (I normally avoid pet stores at all costs but Travis is still out of town and of course our invisible fence went on the fritz so I had to make sure that our dog....errr, uh "investment", was fully protected) So, I am standing in line waiting for the cashier to engrave our info and I overhear a conversation about monster trucks, muscle car shows, and cat diets. I glanced over to the next checkout lane and saw a middle aged couple who resembled a seventies version of Kenny Rogers and Farrah Fawcett(only 50-something still trying to pull off the feathered hair look)


I quickly turned around to mind my own business since we were the only people in the store, I had Eli with me, and I wanted to get out of there as quickly as I could. Before I could turn around, the Kenny look-alike decided to make conversation....

Kenny: "How old is the baby?"

Me: "Three and a half weeks."

Kenny taps his wife on the shoulder, who is discussing the hilarious antics of her 4 cats with the uninterested teenage cashier.

Kenny: "Honey, ya gotta see that new baby over there."

Here is where my overprotective mother instinct starts kicking in.......as she rounds the corner for a closer look-see. She peeks into his carseat and starts to stroke his blanket, hacks a few smoker-coughs right in my face and seeing my disgusted look says-

Farrah: "I ain't sick or nothin, its just these blasted allergies thats makin' me cough so much"

At this point I am willing my cashier to hurry up but he breaks the first nametag and has to start the process all over again. I am hoping that my encounter is over but nooooo.....it is just beginning. I hear a dog start barking and look over to see that Kenny also has a large black lab on a leash who is trying to leap over the counter towards us.

Kenny: "Oh, do you see that sweet baby over there?" -to his dog-

Kenny then brings the large dog over to "see" the baby. I am hoisting the carseat as high as I can without being rude but he just keeps on coming. He lifts the dog up to get a closer look just like he is a little child who wants to say hello.

Kenny: "He's really good with kids, especially them little bitty ones."

Me: "Uh-Huh"

Kenny: "One a our boys had colic so bad, he nearly drove us crazy with all that cryin' and wailin' he did"

Me: "Uh-Huh"

Kenny: "My mama finally told us the trick to get that colic to stop, she had us pour a spoonful of milk and then take a cigarette and blow smoke onto the milk. Then you just feed the milk to the baby and just like that, the colic is gone."

Me:"Hmmmm, I will have to give that a try."

Who would have thought I could get the advice that I have always needed from a simple visit to my local pet store? I guess I need to go out and buy me a pack or two to ward off any possible cases of colic we might have at our house.